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| Crest toothpaste, 1972 Because you don't want the guilt of being a tooth murderer. |
Those 6-9 teeth you lost during your lifetime? Yeah, you could have prevented those untimely passings if only you'd brushed properly, or ate the right foods, or just saw your dentist you goddamn slaughterer of pearly whites.
Yeah, I hope all those poor innocent molars whose lives were tragically wasted are weighing heavily on your mind. You should go to the chair. Now go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
